


Tear Through the Heavens in Sorrow

by FantasyDeath



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 04:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasyDeath/pseuds/FantasyDeath
Summary: After his mother's death, Ichigo starts hearing voices in his head. To be precise, two voices. Things kind of derail from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossposted from my account on ff.net. You can still find it there.

**"No weaknesses!" = Dark Ichigo/Hollow speaking**

**_"Just think." = Old Man/Zangetsu speaking_ **

 

* * *

 

The voices started talking to him a few months after his mother's death.

At nine years old and having witnessed his mother dying at the hands of a monster, Ichigo knew he was not normal. No-one else he had met had ever been able to see the people his mother used to tell him were ghosts or hear the occasional roar that that filled him with a terror so deep only the presence of his mother could calm him.

But she was no longer there and Ichigo was alone.

His father had started doing what he called training him, kicking him around the house and coming at him with punches when he couldn't see him. Ichigo had learned to expect it, had adapted to the bruises that littered his body when he wasn't fast enough to dodge and the only saving grace was that he didn't do it to the twins as well. Ichigo knew his father blamed him for his mother's death and that this was just his way of dealing with it.

To be honest, Ichigo blamed himself as well.

But the voice came to him the first time when he was in the middle of getting into a fight with a gang of bullies that were ridiculing his hair-color, which Ichigo found himself hating them for with a fervor he'd never felt before as it reminded him of his mother. His kind, beautiful, strong mother who had died to protect him.

The sound of a voice in his head was enough to stun him for several crucial moments, and he got beat up as a result, too late to react and do more then get a few weak punches in. But the voice was nothing more than a few disconnected words, not enough to be a complete sentence even and so Ichigo disregard it as a fluke, that he had misheard it and he ignored it and in a few weeks time after not hearing anything more and being preoccupied with taking care of his sisters—because Isshin had no idea how and was busy alternatively working and drowning his sorrows in alcohol—he'd forget about it.

The next time he heard a voice in his mind was nearly a year later, when he was older and had moved up another class. He'd found himself unable to make any friends, kids seeing the color of his hair and deciding he was no good or a perfect person to bully, which naturally meant that he had to fight back, as he had no intention of letting people walk all over him, and thus he was named a delinquent and only gave people more of a reason to stay far away from him.

Sometimes he would catch another kid in his class giving him odd looks, staring at him when he thought Ichigo wasn't looking and although Ichigo had the urge to talk to him sometimes, he had no idea how. Ishida—the kid—was standoffish and on the edge of rude, with an aloof air about him that made it hard for people to approach him unless it was to ask him to sew something. So Ichigo didn't have any friends, nor did he particularly want any and that was okay.

This time it was morning and his father had kicked him awake, a thing that was turning into habit, and the voice had come while he was changing. It had been more put together than last time and he could almost make out a complete sentence this time. The voice sounded tilted and weak, with a static quality to it he had only heard when the reception of the tv was bad. It had surprised him enough that he had stood still for several minutes while the voice talked.

**_"Can you ... me ... understand ... power?"_ **

Still, there was too much missing for him to figure out what it meant and as it was a school day, he decided to think about it more when he came home later and to ignore it for now.

That evening after he had eaten dinner and said goodnight to his sisters, he sat down on his bed and closed his eyes, trying to hear anything at all. His door was closed and his father was working so he wouldn't be disturbed.

Ichigo breathed in, a deep breath like his mother had taught him, and tried to clear his mind. He figured if there was anything to hear, meditation (as much as he didn't like it) would be the best way to hear it. So he sat as still as he could, with his hands on his knees and doing his best to breathe calmly. It took hours for anything to happen, at which point he was on the edge of falling asleep.

There was a chuckle right next to his ear.

With a jerk, he opened his eyes and stared with wide amazed eyes at the sight that met him.

There was a skyscraper right in front of him.

His eyes drifted down and he yelped when he saw the ground, frantically trying to grip something that he was sitting on as he realized he was going to fall. Yet, no such thing happened even as he was aware that he was sitting on the window of a skyscraper. He stared, fascinated, at the ground, no closer to him then before. Hesitantly, he climbed to his feet and when he stood, he found that the entire world was sideways, everything distorted to the point where he could barely make out up and down.

He turned wildly around, trying to make out where he was and how he came to be there. His heart beat uncontrollably in his chest, so fast he thought it was gonna jump out as he wondered what the heck had happened.

Ichigo turned around again when he heard another small laugh next to his ear, so close he could feel the breath of air hitting his skin. His eyes were wide with fright as he wondered if another monster like the one that had killed his mother had come to kill him as well and it had all been a trap.

He stood as still as he could when the voice next to his ear started speaking. **"You're ... pathetic, you know?"**

Even as the voice walked around him, he could hear the static quality to the words, the way something was left out, something he couldn't hear.

The being, just as static as its voice, stopped in front of him, a half-seen picture that only got blurrier the more he tried to see it. It was blindingly white, a shocking color, and it continued to laugh at him—because he was sure now that it was laughing _at_ him—as he tried desperately to make out any features, as all the white reminded him of the monster's mask.

He couldn't move under its gaze, the fear that he instinctively felt at anything that reminded him of the monster stopping him from moving as if he was paralyzed. The being was taller than him, and he had the feeling it was growling at him. When its voice started speaking again, it scared him enough that he jumped slightly.

**"Hey, stop that. You're ... it rain. The old ... hates ... rain."**

It was only when the being said so that he realized it had begun to drizzle, a steady beat of rain coming faster and faster, just as sideways as everything else. Above him he could see the sky, a thing filled with dark clouds, nothing like the light blue and white it had been when he first appeared in this strange world. Ichigo shivered slightly as he got hit by more and more cold raindrops, feeling the cold seep into his skin and staying there.

Ichigo stared at the being in front of him as it sighed, a loud thing that betrayed all its exasperation, and kneeled down.

**"Hey, I ... mean anything bad. ... calm down, kid. I ain't ... hurt you."**

Just as he was about to force out a question of where he was and how he ended up here, his vision went black for a few seconds and when he could see again, he was back in his room, on his bed, as if he had never left at all.

His breath left him in a giant gust of wind and he fell back down on the bed, completely boneless at the terror he had experienced and the impossibility of what had just happened. Either he was going insane, or this had something to do with his ability to see ghosts. Hopefully it was the latter, because he really didn't want to be crazy. Who was going to take care of the girls if he was insane? Their father may love the twins, but he had no concept of responsibility and Ichigo wouldn't trust him to be able to take care of Yuzu and Karin if he was the last person on earth.

So it was because he could see ghosts.

His eyes stared up listlessly at the ceiling as his thoughts turned this way and that and he found himself wondering if his mother had also heard voices. Not to mention that he still didn't know where it was he had gone.

Ichigo wasn't an idiot, no matter what other people said, he was in the top ten percent of his year and he found the class material easy to understand. When he was really bored with nothing to do, he would get some of his father's medical books and read them to pass the time and as long as he had a dictionary to help him understand the words he didn't know, he usually didn't have any trouble with it. So no, he wasn't an idiot, but he had no starting point with this. His mother was dead because of him so he couldn't ask her and he knew nobody else that could see ghosts.

As his thoughts ran wild, he found himself getting more and more tired and before he knew it, he was asleep.

— —

The third time he heard the voices was nearly a month later, after many failed attempts at meditation. Ichigo was sure that this was what they called beginner's luck.

Regardless, nearly a month later he heard the voices again, and for the first time he heard them both at the same time. There was still that static to them, and he could still only make out some of the words, but he could hear them.

And this time when he opened his eyes to the weird sideways world with skyscrapers, he wasn't surprised, just relieved that it hadn't been a figment of his imagination.

He climbed up until he stood straight and looked every which way he could as he tried to take in everything he had missed the last time he was there and he heard that cackle behind him again. Ichigo whirled around and stared silently up at the figure, just as blurry as before, standing in front of him. It let out another cackle before it started speaking.

 **"Oh, the ... back. How are you ... ?"** the beings head was suddenly right in front of his face and Ichigo only just managed to stop himself from jumping back in fear. **"Eh, ... hear me? Oi, kiddo! Can you ... me?"**

Ichigo mutely shook his head from side to side, trying to silently convey the fact that he could only barely hear it. Even without properly being able to see it, he could tell it was sneering when it said, **"Eh, seriously! I thought ... here because ... can hear us."**

Quietly, after mustering up all his courage, Ichigo whispered to the strange being, "Us?"

It let out another loud cackle in response. **"Yeah, kid, us. ... and ... old man."**

Ichigo perked up at hearing that there was someone else there. "Old man?"

The being leaned back again, away from him as it answered him in a high voice. **"The old man is ... here somewhere. He ... like company. He doesn't ... talking."**

Ichigo just stared up at the being.

 **"Ahh! I'm no ... with kids! Why ... you have come when ... older?!"** the being burst out.

Ichigo warily took a step back when the being started swearing up at the sky. It seemed to be staring at something, so Ichigo followed where he thought its gaze led and saw, to his immense surprise, a man standing parallel to the ground on a pole jutting out from another skyscraper some distance from them. His mouth formed an O in surprise.

"That's the old man?" he asked the other being.

It let out another high cackle at him and said, **"Yeah, that's the old man! He's a ... bore!"**

Ichigo let out a thoughtful hum before switching his gaze back to the white being in front of him. "What's your name?"

The being stopped its cackling and swearing in order to look at Ichigo with shock written on its face, even when he couldn't clearly see it. **"Hey kid, you sure ... ok? I'm ... monster. I don't got no name."**

Ichigo frowned at that. "You shouldn't call yourself a monster. And everyone has a name."

**"Yeah, but the old man doesn't want me saying anything."**

In his worry over the being not having a name, something everyone had, even flowers, he missed the fact that he could hear its whole sentence and instead tried to come up with something to call it. "How about Shiro? 'Cause all I can see is that you're white."

 **"All you can see, eh. Guess it really is too soon."** the being murmured under its breath and it was only chance that meant that Ichigo heard it. **"Call me what you like, kid. You should go back now."**

Ichigo frowned up at it. "Go back where? Where exactly am I?"

The being let out its highest cackle yet. **"This is your mind, kid!"**

Ichigo stared at it in stunned silence before he let his eyes drift from one side to the other. "This is... my mind?"

**_"Yes Ichigo, this is your mind."_ **

Both Ichigo and the white being swirled around to face the new voice. It was the old man, covered in a tattered black cloak and wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Ichigo gaped for a second before he shook his head and glared up at the old man. "You got me beaten up."

 ** _"Ah..."_** for some reason, Ichigo got the feeling the old man was embarrassed. _**"That was an unfortunate side-effect."**_

A loud cackle came once again from the white being. **"Heh! You call that a side-effect?!"**

Ichigo frowned as he thought of something and asked, "If this is my mind, what are you doing here?"

 **"Ouch! That's cold, brat!"** the white being—Shiro—cackled again. Strangely, Ichigo got the feeling that he really was hurt by it.

"Sorry." Ichigo muttered down at his feet, feeling strangely affected by the beings feelings. "I didn't mean it in a bad why, I just... how come you're in my head? I just don't understand."

 **"'Cause we're a part of you too, idiot."** Shiro said in a biting tone and vanished in a show of light like he was never there in the first place.

The old man cleared his throat. **_"You'll have to excuse him Ichigo, he doesn't have any manners. But he's right. We're both just different parts of you. Know that when you need help, we will gladly give it. All you have to do is ask."_**

"But... my mother?" Ichigo couldn't make himself say any more than that, but the old man seemed to get what he wanted to know.

 ** _"There was nothing we could do. In a way, it was the grief and terror you felt at her death that woke us up. If you had led a perfect life, you could have gone your entire life without meeting us. But as it is, I have the feeling you'll need us sooner rather than later. The past cannot be changed Ichigo, but the future is yet unclear. Make of it what you will."_** the old man gave him a nod and than he vanished as well. For some reason, Ichigo found he had the urge to cry, something he only felt when he thought about his mother. Still, he didn't do anything other than blink rapidly for a few moments before he was back in his room in the real world.

Again, he threw himself on his back on his bed and as he stared at the ceiling he muttered a single sentence. "I guess the future really is unclear."

— —

After that, Ichigo heard the voices more and more often. He'd hear it at school, when he was in class and dutifully taking notes on what the teachers were saying, when he and Tatsuki slowly started to spend more time together again, when he was being stared at by Ishida and when he was taking care of the twins. It didn't matter where he was or what he was doing, the voices talked to him no matter what. When the anniversary for his mother's death came again, they pulled him into his mind and let him burrow in between them, Shiro even managing not to insult him.

It was weird and sometimes it didn't make any sense, but Ichigo found that he wouldn't have it any other way.

And so time moved on and another year passed. Eventually Ichigo started middle school and met Sado, a big quiet guy that didn't have any problem following Ichigo's way of thinking, something he found people had trouble with somehow. Maybe it was because they all saw his bright orange hair and expected him to be stupid. Thankfully, Chad had no such reservations and Ichigo found that he enjoyed spending time with him.

He met Keigo and Mizuiro and found that the world was slowly becoming something a little bit better.

The pain from his mother's death and the guilt he felt for it didn't leave and neither did his father with his stupid "exercise" where he would kick him awake and punch him anytime they were in the same room. He still insisted it was training and as much as Shiro wanted to kill him, Ichigo didn't care as long as he didn't hurt the girls.

It was after he had once again found himself terrified from hearing a monsters roar that he was pulled into his mindscape again.

The first thing he heard when he was there was the sound of Shiro insulting him.

**"Oi, kid! Your fear is freaking pathetic! Man up!"**

Ichigo just scowled back at Shiro. "And what do you expect me to do, kill it or something?!"

 **"Exactly."** Shiro said back in a smug voice with a pleased smile on his pale lips. Over the last year, Ichigo had started to see them clearer. They no longer looked like two blurry figures with humanlike characteristics. Rather, they looked mostly human with otherworldly features. Shiro, he had found, was an incredibly expressive being, everything he thought could be read on his face while the old man (who refused to let Ichigo name him) was so stoic Ichigo sometimes doubted he felt anything at all.

"Yes, because I'm sure I can kick it to death." Ichigo answered Shiro, his voice dripping with sarcasm so thick it was like a physical force.

Immediately, Shiro's smile disappeared and was replaced with a furious frown. **"Of course you can. You just have to make sure the kick is infused with reiatsu. But that's not what I mean. As much as I hate to say it, you can probably create a sword or bow and arrow or something with reiatsu if you concentrate. Your mother was a Quincy so you should have inherited that power. Still, that's not all you are, so don't even think about depending on it, Quincy's are so prissy."**

"My mother was a Quincy?" Ichigo asked, his mind stuck on the repeating sentence.

 **"Of course that's what you choose to focus on."** Shiro muttered under his breath before speaking up. **"That just meant she could take in the reishi surrounding her and use it to make a weapon to kill Hollows with, it's not like she really had any of her own. Not any more than any ordinary soul. You, on the other hand, was born with a large amount of reiryoku that is truly yours that you got from your father, the only good thing he's ever done for you, which makes you special."**

"Special how?" Ichigo asked, a suspicious look in his eyes as he had already learned how fun Shiro had screwing with him.

**"It means that when your soul leave your body, you'll become a Shinigami."**

"Sh-Shinigami?" Ichigo stuttered as he stared with wide eyes up at the white figure in front of him that only cackled at him in response.

 **"Don't worry 'bout it kid! That prissy guy that always stares at you in class should be able to help you create some kind of weapon."** Shiro cackled again as he abruptly pushed Ichigo out of his mindscape and back into the real world.

Ichigo blinked his eyes open as he stared up at the sky through the treetops from where he'd fallen when he was pulled into his mind. As much as he wanted to go interrogate his father about his mother and her apparent status as a Quincy, he had the feeling he wouldn't say anything and if he did, it wouldn't be the truth. Not to mention that he couldn't exactly tell him that the voice in his head told him, his father would just think he was crazy.

No, his best bet was to do as Shiro said and ask Ishida.

— —

The next day, once school let out, Ichigo waited at the gates for Ishida. He had asked Chad to go ahead without him, something he normally didn't do as they usually went home together. However, Chad only gave him a silent stare for a few moments before Ichigo promised that he would tell him another time, and then continued on. Meanwhile, Ichigo scowled at anyone that tried to mess with him as he stood there waiting.

Ishida left the school long after everyone else was gone, which made sense as Ichigo had heard he was in the craft club, but that still didn't mean that his patience wasn't running thin when he finally appeared. As soon as Ichigo saw Ishida, he perked up from where he had been leaning against the wall and hurried towards him. He saw the moment that Ishida realized he was aiming for him, because his face got even colder and his glasses glinted maliciously in the sun. Not that Ichigo knew how that was even possible.

He didn't bother sneaking around the subject. "Ishida. I need your help."

Ishida didn't even bother stopping as he continued walking past Ichigo, forcing Ichigo to follow after him. "With what, Kurosaki-san?"

For a moment, Ichigo hesitated and almost turned around, aware of the fact that Ishida's father was a doctor and he could probably get him locked up in a mental institution in mere minutes, but than he kept on going. He'd already decided that he wasn't going to lie. "The voice in my head said my mother was a Quincy."

When Ishida stopped abruptly, Ichigo kept talking. "He also said that you'd be able to teach me how to make a weapon to kill the monsters with."

Ishida turned around so fast that his dark blue hair swished around his face as he stared at Ichigo with wide eyes. When he saw no signs of deceit, he took a deep breath and said, "Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else. Follow me."

Ichigo followed behind him as Ishida led the way out of the main streets of Karakura, away from his house. When they'd walked long enough that they were getting to the edges of the city and approached the forest around it, he finally asked where they were going. In a cold, distinct tone, Ishida answered, "A clearing in the woods, where my grandfather taught me."

He didn't say anything more after that.

They reached the woods and made their way into it, walking along a barely there path to get to the clearing. Despite wanting to ask as many questions of Ishida as he could, he kept quiet and followed silently behind him until they entered it.

It was a nice clearing, surrounded by tall green trees and it invoked a peaceful feeling in the observer. Ichigo found that he wouldn't mind coming back here. Ishida sat himself down crosslegged on the ground and stared at him until he did the same.

"So, there's a voice in your head?" Ishida asked.

Ichigo nodded and answered, "Two, actually."

"And this voice said your mother was a Quincy?"

Again, Ichigo nodded his head. "Yes."

Ishida blinked at him and looked contemplative for a few minutes before he started speaking again, "What do you know about Quincies?"

"Only what Shiro said. That you absorb the reishi around you and make weapons with it by mixing it with your own." Ichigo answered, feeling more and more ridiculous with every word out of his mouth. The thought of being able to make weapons out of thin air (and he still didn't actually know what reishi was) was like from a manga or something. But Ishida didn't look like he was going to make fun of him, rather he looked as if he was seriously thinking about something. Ichigo just hoped this wouldn't end badly for him.

"Alright," Ishida started, "I'll teach you. But you better promise that you won't tell anyone about this."

Ichigo hesitated before he gave a weak nod. "Just Chad."

Ishida blinked at him again, somehow managing to convey his suspicion just through that. "Chad?"

Ichigo smiled for the first time since he started talking to Ishida. "My best friend. I promised I would tell him what this was all about. He won't tell anyone. I trust him."

Ishida gave him another suspicious look but after a moment of apparently not seeing any deceit on him, he reluctantly nodded.

He looked at Ichigo for another second before he started talking, "If you're going to make a weapon, you first need to be able to sense the reishi all around you. After that you'll need to learn how to take it in and blend it with your own. Only then can you start thinking of making a weapon of your own."

Ichigo nodded with a determined expression on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**"I'll be King!" = Dark Ichigo/Shiro/Hollow speaking**

_**"Never hesitate." = Old Man/Zangetsu speaking** _

 

* * *

 

After that, Ichigo and Ishida started to spend more time together. They went to the clearing two or three times a week where Ishida kept to his promise of teaching him and after he told Chad, he came as well. Although Chad couldn't see ghosts or what Ishida called Hollows, he was quiet and unobtrusive and when Ichigo got frustrated with his lack of progress, Chad would calm him down.

Ichigo found that he liked their presence. He liked spending time with them in the woods, even though it irritated him every time he failed to blend his reiryoku with the reishi around him. It had taken him almost no time at all to learn to sense the reishi in the atmosphere and he was getting better at keeping track of his sisters using it, but for some reason when it came to actually mixing it, it just wasn't working.

Every time he tried to take it in, it would just slide through him like water and come out on the other side no worse for wear.

It was frustrating.

A few weeks after they started training together, he was pulled into his mind again.

By now, Ichigo was used to it and was no longer surprised when he felt the strange vertigo that signaled that he was being pulled into his mindscape and the following rush of a peculiar sort of excitement when he opened his eyes and found himself in the sideways world he called his mind.

This time, it was the Old Man that stood in front of him when he opened his eyes.

_**"You are having problems."**_ the Old Man stated in a deep stoic voice.

Ichigo didn't bother denying it and just nodded his head.

The Old Man stared at him and said, **_"You will figure it out. For now, I will teach you swordplay."_**

"Wh-what?" Ichigo found himself speechless.

The Old Man nodded and continued, ** _"Like Shiro said, you are not only a Quincy and so cannot depend on it solely. You will learn swordplay and once you are strong enough, you will be able to purify the souls when you kill a Hollow. As Shinigami and Quincy are enemies, too many destroyed souls will gather their attention and will only result in you and your friends death and so you need to learn how to purify them and send them on to Soul Society."_**

Ichigo only nodded as he listened to the Old Man talk more than he had ever heard him speak before.

After that, Ichigo continued to be pulled into his mind every evening as he practiced swordplay with the Old Man and Shiro and each time got his ass soundly handed to him. It seemed neither one of them knew the concept of going easy on someone. They expected Ichigo to get better and power through it and before he knew it, several months had passed with this schedule.

He learned to take in the reishi around him and had finally started to be able to mix it in with his own and make it his. Each time he fought with Shiro and the Old Man, he lasted a little longer than the last time. The big cleaver like sword with a black and red hilt was finally starting to do what he wanted it too and it no longer looked like he was just randomly swinging it around and hoping he would hit something with it. Rather, he was starting to learn how to block and defend, how to redirect and attack and when he should just dodge instead of trying to stop a blow. Regardless, it didn't change the fact that they were brutal in both the methods and expectations.

Somehow though, he didn't want to stop. The feeling of getting stronger was something he needed, the knowledge that he could protect his sisters from Hollows finally allowed him to start sleeping without nightmares every night of them dying. Things were getting better.

When his father hit him and kicked him around in the name of training, he found himself hitting him back on reflex. For some reason, this made his father overjoyed and going crying to the poster of his mother on the wall about how he was finally growing up. This in turn only made Ichigo even more determined to avoid him and his craziness.

Another year passed and Ichigo started seeing a black dressed spirit running around among Karakura who Ishida explained was a Shinigami. He finally managed to make a crude bow with his reiryoku and he and Ishida started following the Shinigami—something that was ridiculously easy as they appeared to only be a foot soldier with no particular sensing abilities—around and watch as they purified Hollows and sent spirits on to Soul Society, something Shiro had finally explained to him as being the good afterlife while a place called Hueco Mundo was the afterlife for Hollows and then there was of course Hell for wicked souls that've sinned before their death. A Shinigami's sword—which are called Zanpankuto according to Shiro—can only purify the actions a soul has taken after death and not before it.

Karin started to see ghosts as well and Ichigo found himself terrified that something was going to happen to her as he had learned that Hollows were attracted to the ones with the most reiryoku which a human had to have more than usual of in order to see ghosts. Thankfully she didn't seem to be able to notice more than an unpleasant sensation when a Hollow got too close to her but Ichigo still threw himself into training with a renewed vigor with the realization that it wasn't just a waiting game anymore.

And then came the day that he killed a Hollow for the first time.

— —

It wasn't a special day.

It wasn't raining, but it wasn't particularly sunny either and neither was it very cloudy. It was just another ordinary day.

Ichigo went to school, met with his friends (and he was still kind of in awe at the fact that he had _friends_ ) and when he got home, he helped his sisters with their homework. He avoided his father and once the evening started setting in, he left the house and made his way to the park where he had agreed to meet with Chad and Ishida. They sat down on one of the benches and talked about nothing and everything. They laughed and joked (ok so he did but whatever) and generally just had a good time. Through their time training together, although Chad usually just watched and made observations in the event they missed something, they had grown closer and Ichigo thought that if his mother could see him having friends as great as this, she's be happy for him.

But yes, it was a good day.

And then the Hollow roared and Ichigo could feel it, that terror that went to his bones and made his face pale to the color of death and the complete and utter shutdown of his thoughts. The only thing repeating in his mind was the image of his mother dying.

Next to him, Ishida cursed and leapt to his feet, a bow made of reishi already forming in his hands. Chad was looking around in silent confusion, not being able to see anything wrong but nonetheless trusting his friends to not deceive him. Ichigo found himself frozen on the wooden bench, not able to move a muscle even as the Hollow got louder and therefor closer.

Then the Hollow was at the opening to the park, a dark figure against the mellow setting sun and with a grinning white mask covering what could be its face, if it'd looked even remotely human. The monster was covered in spikes, even its mask, and was walking on all four, a grotesque tongue occasionally rolling out of its mouth and reaching the ground. The black holes that should be eyes were staring fixedly on the bow in his friend's hands, an almost hungry look twisting its otherworldly features into something gruesome. Ichigo stared, the image in front of him overlapping with the one from years ago and _he couldn't move._

There was a pressure in the air, something he had never felt before, once because he didn't know how and then because he was never close enough.

His heart beat erratically in chest, a pace so fast he thought it was gonna burst out and kill him. His eyes couldn't move, he found himself staring into the eyes of the beast and no matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn't get his gaze to shift. The coldness of the evening set in and Ichigo was sure he could feel his soul freeze from the sheer dread he was drowning in.

The monster took a step forward and then another. Ishida let out a curse and fired off the blue arrow that formed in his hands. The Hollow ducked and let it fly over its body as its mask opened and let out another roar, this one deep enough that even Chad could hear a trace of it.

From Ishida more arrows flew but none of them hit the target, and as Ichigo finally managed to tear his eyes away from the terrifying visage in front of him to the person he was tentatively starting to call one of his best friends, he could see the sweat on his brow and the way his hands were subtly shaking, a determined expression on his face despite the way his glasses were gradually slipping down his nose. The Hollow got closer to them with every step it took and all Ichigo could think about was his mother. His mother who died to protect him. His mother whose ghost he had never been able to find and when Ishida had told him about what Hollows did with the souls they captured, he had despaired in a way he had never felt before.

His mother who was gone and wasn't even in heaven.

Ichigo turned his eyes from Ishida to the Hollow and stared at it again, noticing the way it seemed to be ignoring him. Apparently the training to pull in his reiryoku and hide it had been more successful than he thought if he was being ignored together with Chad. But he didn't want to be ignored, he didn't want to be overlooked if it meant Ishida wasn't. He didn't want to lose his best friends in a mocking parody of the loss of his mother.

He didn't want to lose anyone any more.

**"So fucking do something about it, kid."**

The fragile control he had over his powers broke along with Shiro's voice. With a torrent, it left his body and pressed back on the reiatsu attempting to overpower it. It rose and rose and rose in power without Ichigo doing anything and he found himself grateful as he realized Shiro must have control over it. He climbed to his feet, the Hollow now staring at him with a distinctly hungry look on its mask and though later he'd wonder how a mask could show anything at all, now all he could think about was the fact that once again his loved ones were being threatened by a monster. That once again, he stood at the chance of losing something that grounded him.

He strode forward and when the Hollow rose its spirit power to force him down, his own rose in response and the foreign energy just slid right off him. Ichigo took a deep breath in and pulled in as much reishi as he could at the same time. With a crinkle and sizzle, a black bow formed in his hands, the energy burning so hot he doubted anyone else could touch it without being burned to a crisp. He lifted it up and steadied his form like Ishida had taught him.

The Hollow let out another roar and started gathering more speed in its spindly legs. Ichigo dragged in another deep breath and let it out at the same time as an equally black arrow formed on the bow, a color so dark it looked like all the light around it was being sucked into it.

Even as the Hollow charged formed and jumped up, Ichigo stood stil, his eyes narrowed and seeing nothing more but the mask.

Another breath in.

He breathed out and let the arrow go just as the Hollow was about land right in front of him.

It hit the mark without any fanfare.

The Hollow disintegrated in a show of dark light, vanishing right before his eyes. The reiatsu in hands dissipated and he let out a huge breath, his strength leaving him with it. Before he could fall to the ground, Chad was there catching him, gently lowering him down.

"Are you alright, Ichigo?" Chad asked in his quiet voice.

Ichigo couldn't bring himself to answer so he nodded and hoped it was enough. Like always, Chad knew him well enough that it was.

Ishida ran up to them, a panicked look on his usually stoic face. He dropped to his knees in front of where Ichigo was sitting on the ground, a question on the tip of is tongue that he never asked. Instead he stared at Ichigo for a few moments before he let out a sigh that managed to convey his exasperation with him and Ichigo only gave him a sheepish smile in response. "Are you okay?"

Ichigo found that he was starting to feel better, and the shock of what he had done was starting to wear off. "Yeah." he answered, inwardly amused at the worry he could see easing in Ishida's eyes.

Ishida and Chad exchanged a look above him and somehow that was enough to get to him laugh, a small quiet thing that only made them communicate even more with their eyes. That only made him laugh more and before he knew he was laying down and laughing his heart out, the relief he felt at knowing he could beat them—that he could kill his demons—enough to make everything worth it. The relief at knowing that if he became strong enough, he would never have to watch another person he loved die in his place again.

Above him, Chad and Ishida exchanged another look.

— —

That night, instead of sleeping, Ichigo was in his mindscape in the company of his two soul companions.

When he had arrived home, his father had flown at him with a kick that made him duck and kick back out of reflex, which in turn only made Isshin crawl to the poster of his mother and cry about how he was growing up. Ichigo had dutifully ignored him and made his way to his room after he ate dinner with his sisters. In his room, he climbed into his bed and pulled his covers up to his chin, still shaken by what had happened but determined not to worry his family.

He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for silence and solitude.

A breath in and another out and he was in his mindscape, a steady beat of rain falling from the sky. He didn't open his eyes.

A rustle of fabrics sounded close by. Footsteps approached him. Finally, a hesitant voice said, **"That went well."**

Ichigo let out a mocking laugh in response and answered, "I thought it would be harder. I thought... I thought killing something was supposed to be harder."

**"Well, that's the thing about having so much power,"** Shiro began, **"killing is easy. It's stopping yourself from killing things that's hard."**

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Ichigo asked.

**"Fuck no! Look, all that shit about feeling bad about killing shit is for humans and beings with hearts. I don't know what the fuck you're angsting about. That Hollow was going to kill you and your friends so you killed it instead. That's natural order, kill or be killed. It ain't nothing to feel bad about."**

Ichigo slowly opened his eyes as he felt the rain start to slow down. "You really aren't human, Shiro. I know I did what I had to do, but that doesn't change the fact that I killed someone. That Hollow used to be a normal soul right? And I killed it."

**"All you did was send it straight back into the reincarnation cycle."** Shiro snapped with a heavy scowl on his face.

"What?" Ichigo sat up with a start, "I thought you said that when I killed Hollows the Quincy way I killed the souls permanently."

**"Yeah, well a Quincy isn't all you are and you're the first Shinigami-Quincy hybrid in existence. To get some things wrong is to be expected."** Shiro grumbled and continued speaking, **"If you want to blame someone for getting it wrong, blame the Old Man, he's the one with all the Quincy powers around here."**

"Wait, you don't have any Quincy powers?" Ichigo asked Shiro, astonished.

**"No,"** Shiro growled. **"And I don't want any. All souls that Quincy kills are completely erased from existence. It upsets the balance, that's why the Shinigami were so eager to kill them all instead of making honest attempts at negotiating. Not to mention it's a bitch to heal wounds from a Quincy's weapon. Not that it'd be a problem for me, but you know, in general."**

Ichigo nodded in acceptance of his words. So the Old Man had Quincy powers. Did that mean that Shiro had Shinigami powers? Somehow, he got the feeling that Shiro would try to kill him for even suggesting it. He probably wouldn't actually kill him, but he'd sure as hell put him in a world of pain.

"So then when I kill Hollows with my Quincy powers, they won't go heaven?"

Shiro turned back to him and stared at him with wide golden eyes for a moment before he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he fell down on his face and even with the wall muffling his giggles, they could still be heard. Ichigo frowned and glared at him before asking in a harsh voice, "What's so funny?"

**"Nothing, nothing,"** Shiro managed to get out in between his uncontrolled cackling. **"it's just that sometimes you're so fucking naïve, it's freaking hilarious."**

— —

Time passed. Another year went by. With the knowledge that using his Quincy powers were possible in actual combat, he trained even more with Ishida and Chad had started to take a more active role in their training, not only pointing out mistakes but striving to learn from them too. On their first time training after the death of that Hollow, Chad came to the clearing in the woods with a list of questions prepared. He had a notebook and everything and asked him and Ishida to answer as many of them as they could. Sometimes, Shiro or the Old Man would even jump in and add their own explanations.

They trained together and helped each other study and met up just because. When Hollows got too close because the Shinigami wasn't doing their job, they killed it. More often than not, it was Ichigo that made the final cut to ensure that the souls that made up the Hollows didn't get erased entirely and the Shinigami came looking. Slowly but surely, Chad started to be able to see the Hollows and ghosts as well and his punches could affect even a Hollow.

Ichigo spent hours every evening before he went to sleep in his mindscape, letting Shiro and the Old Man torture him in the name of training. While it notably improved his sword-skills and he got better at hand-to-hand combat as well—because Shiro was the kind of paranoid shit with a superiority complex that demanded he learned all there was to know about fighting—it also left him exhausted in the mornings, as the time he had to sleep was never enough. He got by in school with his grades intact thanks to the help of Ishida and Chad, who were kind (sympathetic) enough to let him constantly borrow their notes.

(Ishida's notes were scary. He had diagrams and illustrations and bullet-lists and key words and underlined sentences. There was a different notebook for every class and they were all equally used and crammed full of as much information as he could squeeze into them. Honestly, Ichigo felt kind of bad for his own in comparison.)

In his mindscape, he fought with a huge khyber knife that when not used was covered in bandages. Likewise, so did the Old Man and Shiro when he fought them. And somehow, despite the fact that Shiro was clearly the more insane one of them, the training with the Old Man was always harder and more life threatening. Sometimes, Ichigo was legitimately afraid that he'd die.

That fear never really went away.

At home, he took care of his sisters. While Yuzu could at most see a faint fuzzy image, Karin could clearly see ghosts. Of course, this was negated by the fact that Karin was very vocal about the fact that she didn't believe in ghosts and therefor they didn't exist, even if she could clearly see them. Shiro always got a morbid kick out of seeing the ghosts deflate when she told them that to their faces while walking right past them like they weren't there. As much as Ichigo pretended otherwise, so did he.

Because Isshin was a useless old man that still cried in front of a poster every time something even remotely interesting happened, Ichigo was the one that took them to school. He dropped Karin off at soccer practice and watched her games when she had them and cheered her on. He taught Yuzu how to cook and he did the laundry or it would never get done while Yuzu took care of the vacuuming. He made bentos and breakfast with the help of Yuzu and made sure they always got their allowance from their father. When Isshin attempted to surprise him by kicking and punching him, he kicked back and despite the fact that it probably didn't make him a good person, he felt no guilt in doing so. Isshin shouldn't dish out what he couldn't handle.

His fiery orange hair gradually got longer, past his shoulder blades, as Ichigo was always occupied with one thing or another and the end result was that he simply didn't have the time to get it cut. From time to time, when the ends were frayed to the point that it caused him physical pain to watch it, Uryū would cut off chunks of it, leaving it uneven in certain places, but still long enough that he could easily drag it into a pony tail keep it out of his face. Unlike other people, he had two younger sisters and knew well how to twist his hair to make braids and other shit he never thought he'd have to worry about.

When Ichigo wasn't paying attention, his eyes slowly took on a more golden hue. They were still mostly brown, but if the light hit them right, they glowed unmistakably golden.

Then High School started and saying that things went weird, was an understatement.

It started very simple.

A girl dressed as a Shinigami entered his bedroom through the wall and didn't even bother to knock.


End file.
